On The Possibilities of 'I' (My AM/FM)

These past two years I've done quite a bit of introspection. That is to say that I am devoted, almost entirely at times, to the "examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes." I've chosen the word 'devoted', because that is what best describes this exercise (i.e. dedication), where up until this point, any experiences with introspection held less personal import than the incident(s) they were associated with, if any at all. The relationship with this atypical, or borderline obsessive, 'introspective devotion' & lifestyle can be likened to whatever else one might consume their "time" with: career, bills, mortgage, artistry, prayer, preparations for a marathon, Olympiad, or whatever else one might find themself entirely passionate about.

The wife & children can attest, as this had a direct effect on them, and still does. And, while I may have been withdrawn at times or made decisions that were not readily understood by any of them, much less by anyone that has observed or had an opinion on the matter, on the outside looking in, the intention has always been to provide my family, loved ones, fellow beings, and myself with the best 'I' possible; with all that I have been throughout, as a necessary procedure toward that ends. It is a different type of livelihood that offers a different type of subsistence; one I hope to share with anyone willing to explore its benefits further or for themselves.

Poetry: 'Fear: Honesty & Truth'

Fear, I fret, within us all;
a threat, regret, to loom, befall...
I fear the fall from grace,
and so I seek a safer place.

To displace the anxiousness,
I dismiss the opportunities;
toward chance I'm found remiss.
For I would rather save some face
than possibly encounter bliss.

The chase of greatness
is found replaced with
uncertainty; it is bound & silenced,
it abounds in violence—
conflict, judgement, searing eyes—
behind their curtain, curtailed Truth
where Truth abides, as light to lies,
here lay what slay the stay of need-for-proofs,
and what here lay of greed,
where people act & say from need,
and pain-in-private minds accrue.

What proof is required, where candour 'can',
for honest folk in honest land?
In-tu-i-tive-ly know; Here, where the honest sow,
where no self-doubt may sprout,
nor seeds of deceit grow!

A legacy is left.
For without Truth, bereft;
to lead our life in death;
a conscience then beset by what we 'will' not see.
For what we fear to share, is all that comes to bear
When bend-to-break, due what's at stake,
and fearfulness of being judged,
begrudge our Honesty, and make for Coward's stew;
to rue what's been believed—the falsity of we.
To be, or not to be—this cunning we've pursued.