There comes a time when you finally understand what it means to be yourself, and that to do so requires above all else a love of self. Perhaps until then you had thought it a struggle; grappling to define or find your self amid the expectations of others, social roles, and norms - the ever elusive you. All the while there you'd been, and all that was ever needed was for you to remain still enough to recognize and appreciate yourself. There you had been, where there was never anything to strive for to begin with. There, chasing approbation, status, and wealth. It's like pursuing a phantom, expecting to seize what does not exist in the hope that you will some day be handsomely rewarded with fulfillment in any or all of its imagined forms. But, true fulfillment, if such a thing even exists, might only by realized through self-understanding because it is only with such an understanding that we can engage honestly and meaningfully with life.
I occasionally compare myself to others despite knowing better. I have embellished things for shame of my shortcomings both perceived and real. Awash in self-loathing and tormented by a fear of rejection my life has been a cycle of happiness for people & their accomplishments, covetousness and disappointment.
Now I realize that covetousness is a reflection of a lack of self-acceptance. My covetousness is based on the desire to be happy and mistaking happiness for being that when I am this. Sometimes, when I hear people speak happily about their interests & preoccupations I am unnerved because I am reminded of my baseless dissatisfactions. Such times are best addressed by exercising gratitude, that is, being mindful of (and perhaps acknowledging aloud) the good in ones life.
I occasionally compare myself to others despite knowing better. I have embellished things for shame of my shortcomings both perceived and real. Awash in self-loathing and tormented by a fear of rejection my life has been a cycle of happiness for people & their accomplishments, covetousness and disappointment.
Now I realize that covetousness is a reflection of a lack of self-acceptance. My covetousness is based on the desire to be happy and mistaking happiness for being that when I am this. Sometimes, when I hear people speak happily about their interests & preoccupations I am unnerved because I am reminded of my baseless dissatisfactions. Such times are best addressed by exercising gratitude, that is, being mindful of (and perhaps acknowledging aloud) the good in ones life.
