Have you ever told someone, who has endured some form of trauma (e.g., sexual molestation, emotional or physical abuse, childhood abandonment, a significant loss, PTSD, et cetera), "Stop evaluating your issues. No good can come of that. You are simply "recommitting" to (i.e., "justifying") the pain that is associated with said issues. What's the point? The past is the past. Quit crying over spilled milk. Don't dwell. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps," and so forth? I find such an approach about as patent an oversimplification of trauma as I've ever witnessed.
You see, on the contrary, the internet (and history in general) is awash in personal accounts of painstakingly reflective people who move forward and re-imagine their world and place within it while delving into both overt and repressed memories, despite the accompanying distress. That, to me, is as courageous an endeavor as any. That is confrontation, forgiveness, and self-reconciliation - an on-going process (i.e., The Great Work, magnum opus). What the former seems to encourage, or disclose in its advocacy, however, is avoidance.
You see, on the contrary, the internet (and history in general) is awash in personal accounts of painstakingly reflective people who move forward and re-imagine their world and place within it while delving into both overt and repressed memories, despite the accompanying distress. That, to me, is as courageous an endeavor as any. That is confrontation, forgiveness, and self-reconciliation - an on-going process (i.e., The Great Work, magnum opus). What the former seems to encourage, or disclose in its advocacy, however, is avoidance.
I recently watched a video clip of a mogul endorsing the above sentiments and proceeded to read the comments that followed. As one might expect, many of the "followers" echoed and propped up the belief, galvanized by the quixotic anodyne of the mogul's charisma and impressive command of language. Some made compelling arguments for why they agreed while the vast majority were little more than beguiled spaniels. Those who felt differently were spurned.
Many of us post memes, sound bites, video clips, or quotes (sometimes even out of context) to validate our perspective on some matter or another. It's understandable, as it is comforting, and requires minimal mental exertion, coherent explication, and communication or typing on our part. It is an appeal to authority. We can then stand firm in our belief(s), allowing some influential talking head to intellectualize and confirm our bias. In this instance it was an appeal to said mogul, who captivatingly explained away the detrimental and persistent effects of past grievances or trauma on present circumstances, and trivialized the significance of acknowledging, reflecting on and embracing the 'darker' aspect of our life experience to inform, and reintegrate it with, what's light & right in our worlds.
I find no fault in justification. If, however, it is deceitfully leveraged or used as a crutch, we ought to reevaluate its utility. Unfortunately, victimhood has itself become corrupted and is now a controversial topic. Nowadays, people debase the very term "victim" and indiscriminately shame genuine victims. I sense that the denial of victimization in one's own life (a form of avoidance) necessitates an insensitivity to and dismissal of it in others' lives. Often, those who propose counsel are victims themselves. They are in denial or masking as quasi-psychoanalytic or social theorists who either A.) advise others so to test their hypotheses before applying their ideas to themselves or B.) settle for the catharsis achieved through their contribution to the mitigation of others' misery rather than that which might be realized as a result of addressing their own (this is vicarious or virtual psychological remediation). If not victims themselves, they are sometimes merely charlatans, opportunists, or well-intentioned idealists.
Many people, when bluntly asked, CAN NOT intelligently articulate why they subscribe to the beliefs or engage in the behaviors they do. They become defensive, angry, or unsettled when asked for justification as regards. The last thing they need is some snake oil salesperson enabling their impaired self-awareness or vindicating their proclivity for avoidance. What they could use are some space, time, and honesty. Such are these people's lives, however, that their beliefs and behaviors prevail as unexamined coping mechanisms for the duration of their lives.
To examine such matters is to call in to question (and possibly compromise/threaten) the integrity of their self-concept. "It's how I was raised," "It's who I am," "Just because," "I haven't given it much thought, "I don't know," "It/they/you made me feel...," "I don't need to explain myself...," "I felt like it," and so forth are just a few of the shallow knee-jerk responses people offer in their attempts to deflect any meaningful or piercing analyses. But it is just such analyses that are crucial and facilitate the reconciliation of our past trauma with present dysfunction.
To justify is to give 'reasonable' grounds for why one believes or behaves as they do. A person who can reasonably explain such things exhibits a rather accurate and deep understanding of themselves. I'd say that they're on the path to mending.
Many of us post memes, sound bites, video clips, or quotes (sometimes even out of context) to validate our perspective on some matter or another. It's understandable, as it is comforting, and requires minimal mental exertion, coherent explication, and communication or typing on our part. It is an appeal to authority. We can then stand firm in our belief(s), allowing some influential talking head to intellectualize and confirm our bias. In this instance it was an appeal to said mogul, who captivatingly explained away the detrimental and persistent effects of past grievances or trauma on present circumstances, and trivialized the significance of acknowledging, reflecting on and embracing the 'darker' aspect of our life experience to inform, and reintegrate it with, what's light & right in our worlds.
I find no fault in justification. If, however, it is deceitfully leveraged or used as a crutch, we ought to reevaluate its utility. Unfortunately, victimhood has itself become corrupted and is now a controversial topic. Nowadays, people debase the very term "victim" and indiscriminately shame genuine victims. I sense that the denial of victimization in one's own life (a form of avoidance) necessitates an insensitivity to and dismissal of it in others' lives. Often, those who propose counsel are victims themselves. They are in denial or masking as quasi-psychoanalytic or social theorists who either A.) advise others so to test their hypotheses before applying their ideas to themselves or B.) settle for the catharsis achieved through their contribution to the mitigation of others' misery rather than that which might be realized as a result of addressing their own (this is vicarious or virtual psychological remediation). If not victims themselves, they are sometimes merely charlatans, opportunists, or well-intentioned idealists.
Many people, when bluntly asked, CAN NOT intelligently articulate why they subscribe to the beliefs or engage in the behaviors they do. They become defensive, angry, or unsettled when asked for justification as regards. The last thing they need is some snake oil salesperson enabling their impaired self-awareness or vindicating their proclivity for avoidance. What they could use are some space, time, and honesty. Such are these people's lives, however, that their beliefs and behaviors prevail as unexamined coping mechanisms for the duration of their lives.
To examine such matters is to call in to question (and possibly compromise/threaten) the integrity of their self-concept. "It's how I was raised," "It's who I am," "Just because," "I haven't given it much thought, "I don't know," "It/they/you made me feel...," "I don't need to explain myself...," "I felt like it," and so forth are just a few of the shallow knee-jerk responses people offer in their attempts to deflect any meaningful or piercing analyses. But it is just such analyses that are crucial and facilitate the reconciliation of our past trauma with present dysfunction.
To justify is to give 'reasonable' grounds for why one believes or behaves as they do. A person who can reasonably explain such things exhibits a rather accurate and deep understanding of themselves. I'd say that they're on the path to mending.
All of this new-age 'Power of Now' hokum strikes me as suspect - "Why focus on your past? It no longer exists. The present is all there is. We can not change the past nor predict the future. Be here now." I get it. I, too, drank that Kool-Aid for a time (I was drunk on dissociation). But, of course, we'll be here now. It is impossible not to be. Even as we examine our conscience and reflect on how our past attitudes, behaviors, and experiences inform our present ones, we do so at present. In other words, those neurotic bursts of mind chatter (and their triggers) are you, coming to terms with your past or referencing it to inform present decisions and future designs.
We can no more dissociate or ignore our past than a planet can its physics, a civilization its history, a story its plot, a tree its base, or a compound its atoms. It is as much a part of who we are as anything else that has shaped us. A human is only ever a current point in the unfolding of their being - a state that can not exist without everything having happened as it did before. The past is relevant.
Aberrant Behavior (e.g., irritability/agitation/crying, lethargy/social withdrawal, stereotypic behavior, hyperactivity/noncompliance, and inappropriate speech), Acting Out, Avoidance, Denial, Displacement, Identification, Intellectualization, Introjection, Isolation, Neuroses (e.g. anxiety, depression, hypochondria, obsessive behavior), Projection, Psychosis (i.e. "lost with external reality"), Rationalization, Reaction Formation, Sublimation, Undoing and so forth find their origins in our past, to the extent that such characteristics are not genetically hardwired. We have the opportunity to acknowledge, carefully consider, reconcile & reintegrate, and transmute past trauma rather than repress it. We needn't circle 'round it, we can use it for making wiser decisions and marking our progress.
A rear view mirror is a useful tool so long as you don't glance into it unnecessarily or stare into it for too long. Lastly, nevermind those officious, know-it-all, Sunday drivers. They ought to be more concerned with the condition and navigation of their vehicles anyhow. Besides, The Great Work awaits.
Aberrant Behavior (e.g., irritability/agitation/crying, lethargy/social withdrawal, stereotypic behavior, hyperactivity/noncompliance, and inappropriate speech), Acting Out, Avoidance, Denial, Displacement, Identification, Intellectualization, Introjection, Isolation, Neuroses (e.g. anxiety, depression, hypochondria, obsessive behavior), Projection, Psychosis (i.e. "lost with external reality"), Rationalization, Reaction Formation, Sublimation, Undoing and so forth find their origins in our past, to the extent that such characteristics are not genetically hardwired. We have the opportunity to acknowledge, carefully consider, reconcile & reintegrate, and transmute past trauma rather than repress it. We needn't circle 'round it, we can use it for making wiser decisions and marking our progress.
A rear view mirror is a useful tool so long as you don't glance into it unnecessarily or stare into it for too long. Lastly, nevermind those officious, know-it-all, Sunday drivers. They ought to be more concerned with the condition and navigation of their vehicles anyhow. Besides, The Great Work awaits.
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